When I started blogging around 3-4 years ago, I was advised by one of my friends that don't make your blog posts personal. I could not help but putting out this post. This post is in memory of my dearest dad whom I lost on 11th January,2011.
"It is not what you gather , but what you scatter, that tells of the life that you have lived". He touched our lives in many ways which words cannot do justice. A man who believed in simple living and high thinking. I have always known him for the helping nature he has extended to anyone in need. He truly believed in his karma something which I guess was inherited from my grand father.
My dad had been sailing the seas for the last 38 years ! Since the year 1971 he braved the tough ocean storms and fought everyday on the high seas like a warrior. His profession often required him to compromise the bond and time spent with family but he kept on putting a rock solid front and supported us throughout his entire life. A man of principles, never did anything wrong and always guided us on the right path.
All hail and hearty till the year 2006, after which he started to experience some slurring in speech combined with a few instances of falling. After a lot of tests and diagnosis by some of the renowned neurologists, he was confirmed with the most dreadful movement disorder known till date "Progressive supra nuclear palsy". This disease not only renders you immobile but makes you wish that your life comes to an end. Such was his sheer will power that he made this disease kneel in front of him for 4 years.
The disease affects a certain part of brain and the cells in that portion start to degenerate. Its a irreversible disorder and the portion of the brain that is affected is responsible for almost every activity of your daily life like speaking , swallowing food, balancing your body weight, eye sight. Apart from this you loose control of your emotions.
As days passed his dependency for even the mundane of tasks like eating food or going to the restroom started to increase. By the year 2008 he was totally dependant and could not be left unattended. In spite of the rising troubles we managed to keep him as comfortable as possible. To watch him deteriorate everyday made our heart cry. By 2009 he had started to choke completely on solid food, had extremely rigid and stiff joints and had reduced to mere skeletal. A man of his stature did not deserved to be going through all this.Even though he had lost his ability to speak we would communicate with him using hand signs and still he showing us the 'thumbs up' reminds me of his sheer will power to battle not only this dreadful disease but to also battle God.
Little did we know that my dad was trying to fight a battle which he had already lost on the onset of the disease. But his determination kept him and all of us going. He developed breathing complications due to the underlying swallowing problems and had to be admitted to the intensive care unit in last week of December 2010. The 15 days that he spent in intensive care, he battled for each and every breath. We saw his life coming to an end one breath at a time. The most sad part being that he was mentally alert till his final breaths and could understand and sense that his end was near. I cannot understand for my entire life what he might be going through in his final days and to add to it he could not even communicate to us what he needed in his final moments. During his stay in the hospital we were faced with some of the toughest decisions which had to be taken. On a number of occasions we thought that we had lost him but he kept battling, all alone against the greatest of them all , God. These battles were getting too tiring on him and he decided to finally take rest and solace. No one has yet won the battle against God, but my dad has given one of the toughest challenges that God will ever face from anyone.
A man who had sailed over the world and commanded people of different nationalities deserved a much better end to his life.For his entire life he toiled hard so that our lives could be better. When the time came to reap the benefits of his hard work, God took him away. Perhaps God has a much better journey for my dad, a journey to heaven which I am sure he would have sailed into by now given the true sailor which he always was ...
"It is not what you gather , but what you scatter, that tells of the life that you have lived". He touched our lives in many ways which words cannot do justice. A man who believed in simple living and high thinking. I have always known him for the helping nature he has extended to anyone in need. He truly believed in his karma something which I guess was inherited from my grand father.
My dad had been sailing the seas for the last 38 years ! Since the year 1971 he braved the tough ocean storms and fought everyday on the high seas like a warrior. His profession often required him to compromise the bond and time spent with family but he kept on putting a rock solid front and supported us throughout his entire life. A man of principles, never did anything wrong and always guided us on the right path.
All hail and hearty till the year 2006, after which he started to experience some slurring in speech combined with a few instances of falling. After a lot of tests and diagnosis by some of the renowned neurologists, he was confirmed with the most dreadful movement disorder known till date "Progressive supra nuclear palsy". This disease not only renders you immobile but makes you wish that your life comes to an end. Such was his sheer will power that he made this disease kneel in front of him for 4 years.
The disease affects a certain part of brain and the cells in that portion start to degenerate. Its a irreversible disorder and the portion of the brain that is affected is responsible for almost every activity of your daily life like speaking , swallowing food, balancing your body weight, eye sight. Apart from this you loose control of your emotions.
As days passed his dependency for even the mundane of tasks like eating food or going to the restroom started to increase. By the year 2008 he was totally dependant and could not be left unattended. In spite of the rising troubles we managed to keep him as comfortable as possible. To watch him deteriorate everyday made our heart cry. By 2009 he had started to choke completely on solid food, had extremely rigid and stiff joints and had reduced to mere skeletal. A man of his stature did not deserved to be going through all this.Even though he had lost his ability to speak we would communicate with him using hand signs and still he showing us the 'thumbs up' reminds me of his sheer will power to battle not only this dreadful disease but to also battle God.
Little did we know that my dad was trying to fight a battle which he had already lost on the onset of the disease. But his determination kept him and all of us going. He developed breathing complications due to the underlying swallowing problems and had to be admitted to the intensive care unit in last week of December 2010. The 15 days that he spent in intensive care, he battled for each and every breath. We saw his life coming to an end one breath at a time. The most sad part being that he was mentally alert till his final breaths and could understand and sense that his end was near. I cannot understand for my entire life what he might be going through in his final days and to add to it he could not even communicate to us what he needed in his final moments. During his stay in the hospital we were faced with some of the toughest decisions which had to be taken. On a number of occasions we thought that we had lost him but he kept battling, all alone against the greatest of them all , God. These battles were getting too tiring on him and he decided to finally take rest and solace. No one has yet won the battle against God, but my dad has given one of the toughest challenges that God will ever face from anyone.
A man who had sailed over the world and commanded people of different nationalities deserved a much better end to his life.For his entire life he toiled hard so that our lives could be better. When the time came to reap the benefits of his hard work, God took him away. Perhaps God has a much better journey for my dad, a journey to heaven which I am sure he would have sailed into by now given the true sailor which he always was ...
Comments
Was 'moved' reading this! All the best ankur!! Take care.
I'm from the PSP group on Yahoo and know exactly what you went thru. I'm going thru the same thing with my husband who just turned 60 on January 10. I am so sorry for your loss...good thoughts to you and your family..
Janine Aguero
After all the trials and tribulations which life gives us, we still have to survive. You are a fighter just like your father was! Take care...
While the loss of a loved one is never easy, even when anticipated, it is most certainly the hardest when they are taken from us too soon. I ask for God's blessings on you and your wonderful family. May you find the courage and strength to move forward in peace and confidence..